NETFLIX — Every so often a film will come along that will SHATTER the mold! It will DESTROY all preconceived notions! It will EVISCERATE your expectations!
KINDERGARTEN COP 2… is not that movie!
However!!!! It’s also not that bad, either. That’s right, the sequel no one asked for a whole 25 years (or so) in the making isn’t that bad at all. In fact, it’s quite pleasurable on a “oh that’s cute” kind of level, which is not a bad level at all… especially if you have kids!
Dolph Lundgren stars as Agent Reed. He’s a hard-nosed undercover badass who always gets his man… and beds his woman! His partner is Agent Sanders (played by Bill Bellamy). Sanders is more the everyman–level headed and a father of five (this will come into play later). Fresh off their last case where the pair took down a major Eastern European mob boss, the two find themselves caught up in a fresh case, related to their old case, and leading them to a place all men should fear–an ultra liberal private elementary school!
Needing to go undercover to obtain a flash drive that contains top secret information containing the whereabouts of every person currently in witness protection, Reed is forced to go undercover as a kindergarten teacher after Sanders’ identity is blown to the school during the initial investigation.
What follows is a plethora of fish out of water jokes, with Dolph not being able to relate to the children, or all of their newfangled new-age neuroticism! He’s a “punch first and ask questions later” kind of guy trapped in a “talk out your feelings” situation. Sure, the jokes here are obvious and pretty hackneyed, but everything is delivered with such a sense of joy and fun, that I found myself really enjoying it.
Dolph and Bellamy play off of each other really well, and Dolph’s relationship to the kids is also pretty entertaining. While I don’t know what universe anyone could ever buy a guy like Dolph Lundgren as a kindergarten teacher… the wacky vibe of the whole film really allows for viewers to suspend disbelief enough to enjoy it, if they want to.
The rest of the film is very buy the numbers. Love interest no one would believe: Check. Bad guy returns to potentially win the day: Check. Angry black police captain yelling and screaming for no good reason: Check. Undersexed school principal with secret desires to ravage Dolph in every way possible: Check. It’s all here, folks. Nothing new, nothing overtly exciting, and yet despite all of that, I can’t summarily trash it, because I did enjoy it.
I’m not going to say it’s a good movie, because it isn’t. It’s a bad movie. It’s a very well made, bad movie. It’s largely forgettable, and I doubt I’ll ever watch it again, but for its singular runtime, it was a fun experience that I got to share with my family, and we all got a few safe laughs out of it, and that’s not bad. Sometimes all you want is something safe and fun to watch with your family, and in that respect, KINDERGARTEN COP 2 delivers!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go pick up a Twix.